Buggin' you is easy, cuz you're buggable

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that 99% of my blog readers are female. Also, I'm willing to say that my fellow female readers have similar family dynamics in regards to REMOTE CONTROL usage in their individual homes.

J is in charge of the remote control. Always. This is a fact that I'm not 100% happy about, but that's just the way it is. J has this bizarre affinity for really weird late-at-night shows. Especially on the weekends. For instance - last night he made me sit through 5 terrible minutes of The Red & Green Show. It was painful. Its like this really weird zoning thing happens. If he sees a bad movie on t.v., he just can't help but watch it.

Dr. Who, The Gang documentary on the History Channel, Anthony Bourdain (which isn't too bad, but I've seen every episode about 900 times), our local county's channel, which has really mind-numbing programming, are just a few of the "treats" I get to experience with J.

Fast forward to a few nights ago. We were laying in bed, trying to watch a movie. The problem was the remote control, or lack of it. We couldn't find it. Anywhere. Our t.v. is OLD and the dvd player its hooked up to, is so irritating. You HAVE to have a remote control. It doesn't have menu buttons on the player itself. So, after searching for about 15 minutes, we decided it was gone, and that one of the kids made off with it.

The next day J bought a fabulous $8 universal remote control. Later that same day, I found the old remote. Downstairs, under the book shelf. It was then, that I got a really good idea.

Last night while waiting for SNL to come on, J was flipping through channels, as usual, trying to kill me with his choices. Oh, and the worst part about him having the remote? If you say, "hey, will you change it to channel 5 for a minute so I can watch the weather?" He won't say or do anything. He'll just quietly sit there watching whatever he's sucked into. And then you have to say: "HEY, CHANGE THE CHANNEL FOR A SECOND!" And then, he'll say: "JUST A MINUTE, I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS!" And I'll say: "DUDE! JUST CHANGE IT TO CHANNEL 5 FOR LIKE 15 SECONDS! THE 5-DAY FORECAST IS ON!" And then he'll say: "ITS NOT ON YET! JUST A MINUTE!" And then I'll say: "ITS ON RIGHT NOW. IT COMES ON EVERY NIGHT AT 10:17pm. JUST HURRY AND CHANGE IT TO 5. Then he'll change it, and its too late. The only thing I see is our weatherman, walking off the set, wearing a white suit, which means its supposed to snow, but I have no idea when, since we just spent the last 20 seconds bickering about changing the stupid channel from the old dude on the history channel that likes guns to the stupid news channel.

Last night I conquered.

I took the old remote upstairs. While J was happily surfing the channels, every so often I would hit "channel up" on the old remote. At first, he didn't seem to notice. So, I got a little bolder while watching Telemundo's Hope for Haiti Benefit Program. And while I don't have a problem with any Hope for Haiti program - I do have problems with Telemundo. The most obvious problem - IT'S IN SPANISH! (fyi: I don't speak spanish, and neither does J, unless he's ordering a burrito at the drive-up window at taco time and then he can roll his r's like nobody's business). I changed the channel. He sat there, looking a little confused and then he changed it back. I changed it again.

This goes on for like 5 minutes and I'm literally choking because I'm trying so hard not to laugh. He says to me, "dude, this remote is already broken. Its changing channels all by itself." I tried to sound as doubtful as possible as I told him that he was probably pushing the buttons and just not realizing it. I told him to put the remote down, put his hands in the air, and see what happens. Wouldn't you know - the channel changed! I told J to make sure the "up" button wasn't stuck. He checked and it seemed just fine. At point, I'm having the hardest time keeping it together. I backed off for a while.

10 minutes later, I changed the channel. J was getting so mad. And I couldn't deal anymore. I start to laugh and J turns his head and stares at me. You could almost see the wheels turning, trying to put two and two together. He finally realizes it and reaches over to pinch me. I told him that his dynasty was coming to an end. There's a new remote control authority in town.

So ladies - if you want to bug your husband, and really, who doesn't? Go splurge on an $8 universal remote at your nearest electronics store. They are easy to program and the result is nothing short of wonderful. We are the supreme gender.