The 24th of July Parade. Also known as the "lets-celebrate-the-pioneers-and-simultaneously-rip-everyone else's-head-off-parade."
Dude. Can I just say how out of hand things have gotten? Let me begin by saying that I really like parades. They bring the community together and they showcase (or they're supposed to) the local goings-on. I LOVE celebrating the armed services. I love waving and yelling thank you to all the veterans. I think it is a wonderful teaching opportunity for my kids.
I just have one problem with the parade: EVERYONE ELSE.
The rules state that you cannot reserve your spot until 7:00am the day of the parade. When I first read the rules, I thought that it meant you couldn't reserve your space until 7:00am the day of the parade. Boy, was I wrong.
Instead, people reserve spaces to reserve their spaces. So, the prime-time real estate is the park strip, right? So what everyone does, starting up to 2 days (seriously?) before the parade - they place chairs, blankets, ropes and yes, sometimes even police tape, on the private property located on the other side of the park strip/sidewalk. Please see my amazing picture. No, I am not for hire.
After they place their crap on the private property, they happily go home to begin training for the big day. As early as 5:30am on the big day, they arrive to their spot. They start hovering. Nobody dares to step foot on the parkstrip before 7:00am. Everyone is a little over-tired and crabby. If a stranger EVEN THINKS ABOUT encroaching on their space that they have not reserved, but they are actually reserving: watch out. Certain death will follow.
Take the summer of 2010 for instance. I woke up at 6:30am on the big day. Certainly enough time to put on some clothes, grab some shoes and sling a few campchairs over my shoulder while I ride my bike up and around the block to secure a spot for the parade. WRONG.
Main street looked like Grand Central Station the day before Christmas. Cars lined the street on either side. Everyone acted skittish and totally strung out on Pioneer Day euphoria. One dude looked like he was packing heat and wouldn't be afraid to use it, if necessary.
I biked for about another block and spotted a 2 foot long area on the park strip without any blankets, chairs, etc. I beelined right for it. Out of nowhere this random dude stops me and tells me that he was actually just about ready to put his stuff there. He hadn't gotten to it yet, because he was too busy putting his other 400 chairs out. I politely told him that I was going to put MY stuff there. He became angry and rude and finally thew his hands up and walked away while muttering a very impolite string of curses.
Later that day I took my little family of 4 (Max wasn't around yet) and we watched the parade. After the hassle of the chairs, I was expecting (hoping?) the parade to be awesome. Instead, it had over 225 entries, which equates to about 2.5 hours. Most of the entries were for house cleaning, yard maintenance, pest control, car dealerships, different dance companies, a few karate studios, a couple marching bands, etc. Oh yeah, don't forget the scary clowns that seemed to be everywhere.
DUDE. I did not just battle the crazy vulture parade nut jobs to get handed a flyer about the "local" business that will come shovel my dog's poo for $15/week. Oh wait, yes I did.
The whole way home I told myself that I would NEVER attend another parade. But then I went back on my word and attended the parade last week. My nephews were in it and I wanted to support the cause. Much to my horror - everything wrong with the parade was much, much worse this time around. Everyone I came across was so rude. So ready to freak out. While the total number of entries was much smaller (around 80), it still included so many random businesses and not hardly enough candy.
In my humble opinion, a hometown parade should include the following:
(1) Veterans. Always veterans. They are heroes and need to be celebrated.
(2) The community's emergency response teams. Fire engines, police on motorcycles, ambulances, etc.
(3) Local high schools. SBO's. Marching bands, drum lines, color guard, cheer learders, drill teams, etc.
(4) Local churches. I love seeing their interpretation of the parade's theme come out in their floats.
(5) Local charities. Food banks, etc.
(6) A whole bunch of candy being thrown to the little ones.
The key word is local. The parade needs to celebrate our town. Our people. Our accomplishments. NOT be free advertising. Kids don't care about it. Parents don't care about it. If I needed a great place to get my car washed, I would ask friends/neighbors.
And the feverish, out of control tempers that are always present while reserving/saving spaces is unbelievable. We are celebrating our city's heritage, the pioneers that sacrificed so much to settle this land - and here we are ready to choke the person next to us because they put their chairs 3 inches too close to ours? Give me a break. Its a little embarrassing really.
I have an idea. This is going to sound a little crazy - but how about next year actually enforcing the "no reserving spaces" rule? How about telling people to show up for the parade right before it starts? Sitting down next to your neighbors and getting to know them better. Moving back so the little kids have plenty of room to see the floats. Celebrating our community - not coming home with 75 fliers for random crap. How about having floats that actually reflect the accomplishments of the community?
The parade wasn't worth hassle and I think that sucks. I wanted to love it. I wanted my kids to love it. Instead, they were shoved around and yelled at by complete strangers. We're not going back. Next year, we'll go to the carnival during the parade. We'll have our pick of the rides and activities. I will get my Navajo Fry Bread in 4 minutes instead of 40. We'll have a pleasant family outing that won't involve angry parade spectators. We will celebrate our pioneers the right way.
