Cuz that's how we roll. . . . .

I must preface this story by explaining a bit about my demented family.  All of us tease each other ~ not one of us would ever pass up the opportunity to play a practical joke.  I love messing with my siblings.  I live for April Fool's day (because I get them every single year).  Lucky for me, J's family is the same way.  A match made in practical joke heaven.  When my sweet Mother-in-law gave me a gas mask circa World War II for Christmas (I'm totally serious) I was stoked.  The gas mask is hanging in my kitchen and has played a key role in MANY jokes &terror-inducing situations in the last few months.  I think J's heart stopped last Friday night because of the gas mask.  Good times.  

Anyway, last summer my siblings and I decided to host a garage sale and get rid of all our old crap.  I had about 40 million old baby dolls.  There was one baby doll that I never played with.  ever.  It just wasn't a good one.  It had weird hair that made it look like some type of shemale and even weirder eyes that made it look possessed.  When J saw it in my pile of stuff to sell, he promptly ripped the head off, stuck it in his pocket and went about his daily business.  The doll head ended up: (1) in Dub & Sweg's linen closet; (2) in L's glove-box where it rolling out when she needed a tissue; and (3) in my microwave, which almost gave me a coronary.  Oh, and J has made some improvements.  He got a sharpie and blacked-out the eyes, making it way more creepy.  The doll head has had a relatively quiet existence the last month or so.  Until a few days ago.

C was playing with the head.  She left it on the kitchen counter.  Right next to the doll head was the inside of a roll of paper towels - ya know the cardboard cylinder thing.  An epiphany struck.  I mounted the head on top of the cardboard tube.  It was sweet success.  It looks great and the uses for this head have just doubled, if not tripled.  And, F took a liking to it almost immediately.  He loves playing with this thing.  He insisted on taking it in the car to the store on Saturday.  Its been in the car ever since.

Fast forward to today.  I'm standing by my car this afternoon, unloading all my groceries into the car.  F is buckled into his seat and C is buckling herself in.  I'm just minding my own business with my back to the car, busying myself with my groceries.  My cart was pushed up against a light pole right next to my car.  I was folding up my cart-cover thing that F sits in when this old lady (I'd say upper-60's) pushed her cart over to where mine was.   Our conversation:

Me: Hello

Old Lady: Oh hello.  I guess I'll just put my cart right here.  I don't know where the return is

Me: Oh hey, don't worry.  I'll take both of ours back.  Just leave it right there.

* the old lady's whole countenance changes.  She gets a very anxious/weirded out look in her eyes.  She starts shuffling her feet nervously.

Old Lady: Um, ya know what?  I'll just take both of our carts back right now.

Me: You don't need to do that!  I can take them back!

Old Lady: Um, well, no - thats okay.  You have kids and I'm sure you're really busy.  Um, I'll just take the carts back . . . . . like now. . . . I'll just let you get back to, um, your kids and stuff.

* I'm starting to think this old lady has lost her mind.  She just turned crazy on me in like .2 seconds.  Whatever ~ take my freaking cart back.  See if I care.  Good riddance.  You just can't be nice in today's world.  

* She pivots, grabs both carts and walks away quickly.  

I turned back to face the window and there is my sweet precious angel C.  With the doll head.  On a stick.  Grinning like a maniac while she moves the doll-head-on-a-stick up and down in the window.  Her hair is crazy because she took her baseball hat off.  She's waving hard enough to burn calories.  Her mouth is bright green from the xlarge gumball she just popped.  She's trying to talk, but it sounds like she's talking in tongues because of the gumball.  She was a vision straight out of a demented asylum for the insane.  That old lady must've seen C behind me when we were talking and decided she had better not cross this woman with the disturbed children.  The lady who provides a creepy doll-head-on-a-stick to play with.  I loved it.  I have resolved to keep the doll-head-on-a-stick in the car at all times.  

This is how we roll, ladies & gentlemen.